Turn the Table

• 

I still fondly remember the evening of 27th April 2018. It was on this day that my name appeared in the coveted list of successful candidates recommended by the Union Public Service Commission.

Two years later, to my perseverant heart, it is still a moment of silent joy. After repeated attempts at not being able to crack the exam for five years or let the stubborn will to crack the exam die down, I see that day as an important one that changed my life.

With the memory of this day, a host of other memories came back to me. That of how every civil services aspirant puts in hours of revision and memorisation of multiple topics, of daily answer writing and mugging up of the names of rivers, hills, national parks and wildlife sanctuaries, of debating the pros and cons of a policy, of analysing plethora of schemes and so on. All this, only to be prepared for the exam and to see his/her name in the much awaited final list. 

Memories also, came back to me, of those moments when I did not see my name in the prelims qualified candidates result, year after year, the feeling of being let out of the race, of an entire year ahead of repeated preparation, of being unable to fully rejoice the success of another friend clearing the exam, of self-doubt and desperation and to find a cause to blame. 

I remembered vividly the struggle to push myself everyday and the struggle to find answers to why I failed. It is then that I decided to pen down some of the learnings I found along the way which have helped me overcome my sense of dejection during the preparation.

In my opinion, the causes of Failure in this exam, can be (at the risk of over-simplification) seen as a consequence of two factors – 

• Nature (Yourself) and 

• Nurture (Environment). 

Nature here means all those habits, traits that form your personality- your confidence, focus, determination, temperament, etc. While Nurture here means all the strategies applied, reading materials used, question-solving practise done to clear the exam. On analysing one’s mistakes after the exam, it is important to make this distinction so as to accurately understand what you need to improve upon. 

It is human nature that on facing a failure, there is a tendency to seek a cause for failure. And this is the moment when anxious aspirants start questioning everything around them as a possible cause of failure. Was I referring to the wrong study material? Did I miss out any important booklet which all others read? Did I solve insufficient question papers? Did I make a mistake in not joining that particular test series? Was over-confidence the cause for missing out that last question? 

Many a times, these reactions are emotional responses to the immediate situation and not grounded in a fair analysis.

It is here that I wish to draw your attention to quiet Self-reflection and Self-study. I learnt it the hard way that no matter how much guidance you seek or the number of classes you join, the ultimate analysis is about how YOU approach the exam. That is the key to knowing why you did not crack the exam.

Self-reflection here, is not mere charting your mistakes and dwelling upon them but understanding your particular strengths and weaknesses. It is analysing why you do things the way you do and how your behaviour is shaped by having a particular kind of mindset. It is knowing your flaws, accepting them and drawing a plan to overcome them. It is analysing why despite studying for long hours, you are not able to recollect the concept at the opportune moment. It is knowing why despite having a timetable and all the resources at hand, why are you not able to focus. It is about calculating for yourself why your performance on the day of the exam is not the same as on any ordinary day solving a test series. 

Self-study, on the other hand is understanding how effectively are you able to complete the syllabus, understand, analyse and test concepts for yourself. Rather than following the timetables drawn by classes and flooding yourself with constant new reading material entering the market, how are you able to restrict over-abundance of material and continue to make notes for the required subject till the end. How do you patiently complete that which you have decided without doubting your study plan under the influence of another aspirant friend. 

To me, coping with failure is about looking through the lens of self-reflection and self-study. It is about realistically assessing yourself on these parameters and then combining it with the question ‘WHY did I choose Civil services ?’. 

I have tried to enlist below a few questions which can help you kickstart this process of analysing your mistakes and draw a plan for preparation ahead. (The list is not exhaustive).

1. Why did I choose civil service amongst the many career options available to me ?
2. Do I have a fair idea of the syllabus and the previous years questions?
3. Do I have a realistic time table with small targets ?
4. Which subject areas are comparatively difficult and easy for me to understand ?
5. Are there any distractions, worries or apprehensions that divert my attention while studying ?
6. Have I analysed the areas where I tend to repeatedly make mistakes in the previous exams? and so on. 

An honest discussion of the above points with the self is sure to give you at least some answers which you might be seeking after facing failure in the exam. This shall serve as a more realistic analysis than randomly changing your optional or joining a different test series or just toiling hard with greater efforts without a plan. 

Analysis and Action is your key to turning the proverbial table.

In the next article, I will share certain tips on Approach to the UPSC exam as a whole and the crucial points to remember while preparing for the exam.